Fatiguée. C'est que je suis. Aujourd'hui était occupé comme d'habitude. Mon chère amie m'a invité à son sketch à la fac, où il y avait beaucoup de Chinois qui ont fait les spectacles en français. Il était une atmosphère très internationale, car je pouvais m'entraîner les langues que je peux parle. De plus, les sketchs étaient manifiques aussi. Il y avait des gens qui ont oublié leurs paroles, mais quand même c'était sympathique. On a bu du vin chaud et a dansé un peu également. ça faisait bien de sortir de la routine.

J'ai acheté aussi les choses je vais prendre pour ses parents; ils étaient les alcools, les gâteuax, et les plats coréens. J'éspère bien qu'ils les ameraient... Tout le monde me dit, "ne t'inquiète pas," "sois toi-même, tout va se passer bien," lui y compris, mais je m'inquiète quand même. Et s'ils ne m'aiment pas, qu'est-ce qui se passera? Je le me demande tout le temps. Cela a devenu très important pout moi maintenant, la relation avec lui. C'est vraiment incroyable, comment l'on peut changer... Je veux revenir au passé, et dire à moi du passé que les choses seraient carrément differentes à l'avenir, donc fais attention. Mais on sait que je ne le peux pas faire. Il faut que j'aie confiance en moi.

I really should go to sleep now. I must get too tired, if not. So I wish everyone good night, and wish that you have happy dreams that will make your tomorrow bright and promising.

xx

Liz

Bonjour à tous

Il y a longtemps que j'ai écrit sur mon blog. J'étais trop ocuppée ces dernier jours à cause de renouvellement de mon titre de séjour et aussi, bien sûr, Christmas shopping!

Donc voilà les choses j'ai fait pendant presque un mois. Mais il faut que j'avoue aussi que j'avais la flaime. Quand je n'avais pas travaillé ou n'étais pas à la fac, j'étais chez mon copain, en m'amusant avec les films et les plats délicieux. On a fait des cuisines, on a invité des amis, fait des fêtes... Cependant, il y avait des mauvaises choses aussi. J'avais un problème avec mon visa, et j'ai été vraiment énervée. Heureusement, il est résolu, et je ne serai pas une immigrante illégale. Puis, il y avait une dispute. Elle m'a touché davantage, j'ai eu le coeur brisé.. mais il est passé aussi. Quand même je ne l'oublierai jamais.

C'est presque Noël. Je ne sais pas encore ce que je vais faire, mais je suis sûr qu'il me plaisira. Je vous souhaite une bonne soirée et j'écrirai demain aussi!


I have decided to write in French from now on, just a bit by bit everyday to improve my writing skills. I assure you that there will be many mistakes to be found, since my French is not fluent yet, but I hope it will get better as time goes by. It would be great if you could witness my progress with me :)

I am listening to 'Mr.Brightside.' Ah, the nostalgia!


xx
Liz

Dance like you've never danced before

I used to love dancing. Of course, by myself at home, in front of a mirror, when no one was around. With the background music as loud as it can, I would just lose myself and shake all my body parts until they were too exhausted to even flinch if someone had tickled me. My body would be full of sweat, and I would just lie on the floor, panting like a poor old dog. Then I would sing along the songs, as if I'm rebelling against my weak body not having enough energy to dance until I wanted. After each of these crazy dance sessions, I would feel so much more enthusiastic and energetic, which is weird since I must have used up all my strength.

Being busy is good. Being occupied by school work, work, and even relationships with a lover and friends... All is good, but sometimes, I need a break from all of these. Sometimes, I need to forget everything that is there to forget, and just throw myself into the imaginary crowd cheering for me, chanting my name like frenzy fans. And that's when you feel alive, when you can go back to the reality with a full healthy spirit.

I LOVE ROCK 'N' ROLL.

La Nostalgie

La nostalgie, quel beau mot! Il a l'air de douceur, l'air de sentiments oubliés. La première fois j'ai appris le mot, c'était dans le cours d'anglais au lycée. Bien sûr, j'avais déjà connu ce mot en coréen, ma langue maternelle, mais je n'avais jamais pensé profondément ce qu'il exprime. Je ne suis pas certaine pourqoui, mais j'ai été tombée amoureuse de ce mot. Il m'a rappelé ce qui étaient importants pour moi avant, mais ce qui étaient oubliés avec peu d'intention. Ces choses qui sont peut-être encore de grande portée pour ma vie se sont reveillés par dire le mot 'la nostalgie.' Elle est comme un boîte magique qui porte tous les mémoire qui sont encore dans nos coeurs, mais qui ont été mis de côté par des activités banales de présent.

J'était très occupée par le cours de français et le travail récent que j'avais trouvé, quand j'ai lu un extrait de 'Du côté de chez Swann,' par Marcel Proust. Il décrit un moment où l'autour avait eu quand il a gouté un morceau de madeleine avec un tasse de thé. Il n'avait pas su ce qu'il allait éprouver avant les prendre. Il ne s'attendait rien. Cependant, dès qu'il a pris une gorgée du thé et un morceau de la madeleine, il l'a senti: la nostalgia. Il ne pouvait pas éxpliquer ce que le sentiment signifiait ou d'où le venait, mais il savait qu'il était très proche de sa coeur et de son enfance. Il était sûr que le sentiment a eu quelque chose important pour lui. En attentant de savoir mieux ce qui s'était passé, il a pris une deuxième gorgée et un deuxième morceau. A sa grande surprise, il n'a rien senti ce qu'il avait senti après la première fois. Le troisème aussi, pas de succès. Il a essayé de trouver le source du sentiment, mais il ne pouvait pas. En fin, il a concluré que le réponse à la question était dans lui-même, alors qu'il n'a pas réussi à le trouver.

Quand je finissais lire l'extrait, je m'a rapplé d'un expérience j'avais eu un matin en Chine. J'avais peut-être dix-sept ans, un matin, je me suis reveillée pour aller au lycée. Comme d'habitude j'étais dans la salle de bain, à moitié endormi, j'ai brossé mes dents et lavé mon visage. Ensuite, sans intention, j'ai ouvert le fênetre de la salle et je respirais avec mes yeux fermés. C'était ce moment-là je l'ai senti: un bizarre mais intime sentiment. Bien que je ne pusse pas chercher son origine, j'ai su qu'il était de mon passé. Pour savoir en plus, j'ai respiré encore une fois, mais rien. J'étais énervée de ne pas trouver l'origine de ce sentiment où pourqoui je l'ai senti, mais enfin, j'ai abandonné.

Après avoir lu l'extrait de Proust, j'ai finalement compris. Ce n'est pas quelque chose nous pouvons savoir immédiatement. Il fait longtemps de le savoir ou nous ne pouvons jamais découvrir sons sens. Qui est importante est ce sentiment de la nostalgie est magnifique. Il est un trèsor nous avons dans nos coeurs tout le temps mais nous pouvons seulement le découvrir quelque fois dans la vie. Il vient de nos passés, et il peut signifier ce qui était importante pour nous. Donc, nous devons le préserver bien quand il rend viste à nous. Il est possible de ne jamais savoir ce qu'il est, mais il est déjà un voyage merveilleux de passé.

reminds me of you..

Choose the person who makes you cry, not the person who makes you laugh. You can laugh at anything, you can fake laugh, you can laugh because of a simple joke. But crying, it is different. Even if you don't want to, you cannot help it sometimes. You cry because of someone because they really mean something to you. You don't cry for someone who you've just met and find attractive. You cry for someone who means something to you. Something really important, and deep. So choose that one person who you cannot help but crying for sometimes. That's the one for you.

Time is flying crazily these days for me. I have school (which involves tons of homework and revising), I recently started working as an English tutor, and I have a relationship. Compared to a month ago, my life is so much fuller and compact. During the vacation, I used to just stay home and watch movies the whole day or sleep the whole day. Now I cannot imagine a day like that. Too many important things to take care about but also I want to spend time with my boyfriend and visit/do special places/things. So a normal day of my life goes like this:

Usually I have morning classes so afterwards, I have lunch while doing homework/revising. Then I go to afternoon classes if I have one, and if I don't, I prepare myself to give English lessons to kids. I go to work, and since I live far away, I also take some of my school work with me so that I can finish some of it on the subway. I give lessons to kids and if I feel like it, I take a beer (a beer after a hardworking day is just the heaven...), and I force my exhausted body on the subway to go back home. When I finally arrive at home at around 8 or 10 (it depends on the working hours), a massive amount of homework is waiting for me. I try to finish as much as I can, and I shower and go to sleep. Sometimes, I watch some videos or read books for entertainment, but usually I'm too tired to do so. I used to have insomnia, but it's long gone, since my body and mind are both tired as hell by the time I go to sleep. The next morning, the routine continues.

I cannot blame anyone for what I am doing, since I want to earn some pocket money and at the same time spend my weekend with my boyfriend, not doing or worrying about my school work. However, the most important thing in my life right now is learn French well. I still have around 11 months to master it. Hope it goes well...

Lately, I fell in love with this amazing alternative rock band called 'Ben Folds Five.' I am sure that some of you guys have heard of/listened to them. Their new album called 'The Sound of the Life of the Mind' doesn't have a single bad song. I love this album and there is a youtube video that plays the whole album. I listen to them while studying, which keeps me concentrated and excited about whatever I am doing. I hope you guys check it out and experience the great feelings.

Gotta go live my busy life. I will keep posting whenever I have some time. Hope all is well with you!

xx

Liz

I was doing my homework this afternoon, -well not really homework, more like reading materials for the class tomorrow- and one extract of an autobiography made me ponder a little bit. (I'm not going to whine about how much work I have been doing lately for the super challenging classes I'm taking now.) The extract described a moment when the author tasted a cup of tea and Madeleine together, and the sudden flow of unknown feelings occurred, which led to a huge confusion and inner turmoil of feelings. He could not identify where the feelings came from or even what they were. Therefore, in order to recapture the feelings and also in an attempt to figure out the source (most likely from a childhood memory, as he asserts), he takes another sip of the tea and a bite of Madeleine. But this time, he doesn't feel the same ecstatic sensation as the first time. Then he tries again, but the feelings reduce immensely. Thus, he stops tasting and falls into a deep thought and search of the origin of the sensation. He wanders through his memories but in the end, he does not find out the answer. So he considers about not 'searching' for it, and believes that he himself might have 'created' it at the moment. He first is certain that the answer is within himself, but later wonders if the answer is himself. The ending of the extract was ambiguous, leading the readers to draw out multiple conclusions.

What I am trying to say is that I know exactly how he felt at the moment the tea and the Madeleine went through his throat. I have experienced something similar: one day, after waking up and washing my face, brushing my teeth, I opened up the bathroom window and breathed in the air, with my eyes closed. Then I felt something. Something very familiar, something from the past. But I couldn't place what it was, and where and when I had experienced it. I just knew, not my brain but my body and skin knew it. I did the same thing again, closing my eyes and breathing in. But then the unknown nostalgia disappeared. The stimulating sensation of the past that awoke me on an early school day, was gone. Just gone. I couldn't recapture it anymore. I became very frustrated, looking for an answer. But eventually, I gave up, without succeeding. Now that I think back, I am thankful for just feeling what I felt. I don't really care what it was now, I just loved the feeling. Knowing but not knowing. I have felt it several times in my whole life, and expect to feel it again afterwards. Now that I know that I'm not the only one, I can be more prepared for it when the moment comes.

i'm not okay. i miss you too much. everything else except spending time with you seems useless and pointless. i lost interest in everything else but you. nothing seems to come into my mind. the more time i spend with you, the more i want to be with you. this is insane. it doesn't make sense. i'm so confused. i wish i could just stop thinking about you. i wish this will all end somehow. but i cannot possibly make myself to imagine being separated from you, leaving you, not being with you. it's unbearable. the thought makes me go crazy. i even want to take drugs to just to be able to concentrate on my studies and other stuff. i am willing to do anything. i want to tell you how i feel. but i am afraid that will push you away from me. and that is the last fucking thing i want in this life. when i looked into your eyes i wanted tell you i love you, and how much it hurts not to express it. but then i stopped myself. i thought about all the responsibilities that i might have after those three words. what if my feelings change? like it always has been? i really don't think it will happen, but what if it does? you never know. but also i was afraid that i wouldn't hear those three words back. i was too scared. like you tell me. i'm always scared. it's time that i need to be brave once in my lifetime. i should at least be able to express my feelings to you. you, the one i care the most, the one i would never want to lose. nothing or no one seems to matter. cute guys talking to me, flirting with me, or seducing me interest me less than your cut toenail. i used to be different. i used to flirt with other guys even when i was in a relationship. i didn't care about keeping any relationships before. i think i am being punished for doing so. i think i really have met someone, i have met you, who can change my whole life. i believe, and i am sure that, you are the one. i hope you can read my mind when i look straight to your eyes, and know what i have been wanting to tell you for a while. i love you.

The story of The Velvet Underground & Nico and the 'miracle'

I am sitting in front of my desk, thinking about what I should do tomorrow, listening to a recently-discovered awesome band called The Velvet Underground (well actually not really recent since one of their songs was the soundtrack of JUNO), and once again embracing the miracle (?) that happened to me yesterday. 

Yes, actually I am here to talk about the 'miracle.' It can be a little boring but it marked a quite important history in my life so I will have to talk about it. 

When I first arrived in France in this January, I did not know any French except Bonjour and Merci. I started my French course at the Sorbonne in February as A1 student. (the levels are A1, A2, B1, B2, C1, C2. and obviously A1 is the most basic one). When the course first started I had no idea what the professors were talking about. I had to always ask around and with my guessing skills, figure out what they were saying. After three months, I finished my course and got a A1 certificate. 

During the summer this year, I spent some time working on myself on French at home. I always talked with the family I live with in French and watched some TV shows in French. Then September arrived. The month of registration. The month of French level test. The month that can determine my academic life for next few years. 

I arrived at the center early in the morning, quite nervous. I had to write two essays in 30 minutes then there was listening and answering questions and finally oral exam. I was quite confident when I finished but still quite anxious since I had to get at least B1 or luckily B2 to apply to university. 

Yesterday the result came out. I arrived an hour earlier than the time the result was supposed to be posted on the bulletin board, for I had no idea when it was going to come out. I was waiting there with a girl when suddenly a staff came up to us asking if we were there for the result. We said yes and she told us to follow her so that she could show us the result before the others arrived. We followed and I found out that I had got B2 on the exam. I was ecstatic! With B2, I could apply to university right away. Then the staff told me something more surprising: that I could maybe talk to the director and ask if I can go study in C1 class. I couldn't wait to go talk to her and after waiting patiently for my turn, finally got to sit in front of her desk, asking the question I wanted the answer to be a big YES. 

At first, she looked at me and said, the staff just can't tell everyone that they could change the class like this. She didn't look that satisfied. But she asked for my name to look for my test in the stack. When she found it and read my essays again, her complexion changed a little and said, 'oh you were the student.' Then she preceded skimming through the essay and wrote down a huge C1 on the top of the page. She asked me if I already had the certificate of B2, and I told her that I had only A1 right now but I studied by myself during summer. She became completely positive and welcoming, saying that there should be more students like me. 

So the miracle is that I got to the level of C1 in half a year of studying French (I would just apply for master's if I had bachelor's now). I really didn't expect it at all. But well, I got it. Yes, I am bragging here but it's something that truly made me happy. Oh the days I couldn't understand a thing and felt so left out and miserable... Now it's gone. I can communicate with people in French! 

So people, don't give up, keep trying. There's nothing you can't do if you try your best!

xx

Liz   

My great apologies to recently discovered title line.

It's a morning. A beautiful one, that is. My hair is so messy that I cannot bear my looks in the mirror, but one and a half cups of fresh cold water makes me feel awake. These days I feel like I am living my life to the fullest. I am busy doing things that I have to all day long and I don't usually waste my time. I can sleep well because the whole day, I'm going around the town running errands and become exhausted by night. I don't have too much spare time to worry and think about my problems but enough time to relax myself. It just feels right.

Today and tomorrow will be busy days. So here are the things I will be doing today:

- calling translators
- buying a gift box
- going to Cité Universitaire
- shopping
- grocery shopping
- going out for a drink

And tomorrow, my day will be pretty much organizing a picnic at a beautiful park a little outside of Paris and then cooking for the family at home.

The weather definitely is getting cold nowadays. I don't really like the fact that the weather of short days and long cold nights is coming but I secretly like the coolness of the wind on my skin. I should be careful not to catch a cold (and you should be too!).

These days I am thinking about an old friend whom I don't talk to anymore. Because of some personal reasons he doesn't want me to talk to him for a while. That has been almost three months. My life certainly is weird without him. I used to tell him everything whenever I wanted and we used to skype for long hours talking about nonsense bullshit. He was a one true friend who basically was my college life. We would go to libraries together, sitting on the floor doing work. Whenever I called or he called me, we were both up to do anything either of us suggested. He was the friend I did my great college adventures with, the one who didn't let me do stupid things alone, but together. But now that he is not really in my life, it seems like a part of it is missing. I walk on the streets and see something and often think that he might have liked that too or he would have said these things. It truly is sad and I really hope that we could talk again someday.

So here is to a great friendship.

xx

Liz


* click pictures to see the originals :)

I feel pathetic. I cannot concentrate, I cannot do any of the work successfully. I just want to be with him and do nothing and think about nothing. I really have become so lazy. What am I supposed to do to fix this hideous illness? I have no clue. I have an important exam tomorrow so I have come home to study for it but all I can do is just thinking about him and thinking about the next time I will be with him. Can this be love? If it is, I really am disappointed. I thought it was something beautiful, something that makes you always happy. But this, whatever this is, is far from that definition. I don't even know if it is right. It has to stop. I hate him for causing all these troubles. My life was so much simpler and easier when he wasn't there. But I cannot imagine any more days without him. I never regret meeting him and being with him. I think I need some time on my own. I cannot just rely on him the whole time. I have to think rationally. I hope it will go away soon..

I'm sitting in front of my desk, with a pile of French grammar reading to do, listening to my colocataires watching Harry Potter movie next room, and thinking about my life. I am depressed. I'm not so sure why. I just want to cuddle with him and forget about everything I am going through.

I'm watching gossip girl nowadays. I know it's just a chick-flick and high-teen TV show. I don't usually watch this kind of series but so many people were talking about it so I started to watch it, since you cannot say you don't like it unless you have watched it. Turns out, it's a good series to clear one's head and just dream about ludicrous life. And another surprising thing is that I could relate to something I watched today. Lilly was getting married to Rufus and she started to panic because she couldn't write her vows since the two of them had different point of views of raising their kids and the future. But that was only an excuse. She was actually afraid of starting a marriage with him because he was not like the other ex-husbands she had; she actually loved Rufus. She was afraid that if she makes her vows to him then there is a possibility that she would get heartbroken. Other husbands were easy to marry and to divorce. There was no tears or heartbrokeness. But in the end, she did get married and was truly happy. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am scared, just like Lily. I know it is quite early to say this but actually I have this feeling that I am falling for him. He certainly is different from other boyfriends I had. They were easy to date, easy to be separated, and easy to get over. But it seems that this guy can really hurt me. Maybe that's why I don't want to show myself to him entirely. I keep avoiding talking about important things with him. When these things come up I just try to avoid it because I am scared. I am still not sure if I should face them. To be honest, sometimes I am uncertain if I like him only physically. But then again, I would have just picked anyone. This guy is really extraordinary for me. I hope I am for him too.

xx

Liz

I know I haven't been much of a prolific blogger but there have been so many things going on in such a short time in my life, I couldn't get myself in front of my laptop and ramble/rant about it. Those aforementioned 'so many things' are very important for me right now but they are quite boring so I will just skip to the real reason I have decided to write this entry. As I mentioned, many important things have been going on and with these come the worries. Personally, I worry a lot. I do mean it. I worry about so many things everyday to the point worrying so much makes me worried and frustrated. So it is a vicious cycle. Things come up and I worry and then I worry about being worried too much and then eventually I go mad and my brain doesn't work so I have to cool down by letting some semi-salted liquid out of my eyes. You know when you workout too much your body makes your sweat so that you can cool yourself off a little. It is the same system for me when I get stressed. Before, I used to eat whatever could be seen when I got stressed. But nowadays, it has got worse. I'm even too lazy and occupied to devour anything edible around me. Now I'm digressing. What I am trying to say is that, those important things that I had to take care of, have solved themselves out. Of course I spent hours thinking and researching about how I should solve them, but eventually, they were finished successfully. Think about yourself. It is impossible to say that you have never worried about something in your life. But look, those problems that you thought would ruin your entire life if not solved have gone. You are still living now. Time is all the cure, and there are always way out. Once in high school, I got a detention for the first time of my life. I thought then, my life was over, and all the good universities were going to reject me and I wouldn't be having a perfect transcript. But everything went well, and now you see I have a story to tell. But it does not mean that you can go around mess things up and just stare at them to fix themselves up. You have to try your best not to make mistakes or cause troubles and if you do, you have to fix it yourself. What I am saying is that you shouldn't worry too much like I do. Solving a problem is one thing and worrying about is another. You can trust me, worrying too much and getting frustrated will not help at all in eliminating them. Instead, try to enjoy it. Whenever you have huge turmoils in your life, think about being in a hospital lying down, your body paralyzed and cannot do anything but blinking your eyes and staring up at the ceiling. If you were actually in that situation, you'd kill to have the problems you have now (well I guess the example was a bit extreme but you get the point). So let's all be positive and embrace the troubles with joy and excitement!

This morning was one of my best mornings except a tiny little problem with the internet. First of all, I woke up without getting scared to death by my alarm clock, which means I had had a good sleep. I didn't wake up during the night at all. Just slept through the whole night. Then I came out to the living room and picked a jazz CD and let it play. After that, I folded my laundry and hung the new laundry. As for those who don't know, I just love the fresh laundry smell. It is definitely on my top list. Other smells I love are coffee in the morning, and grass cutting smell. I just love them. Then I had my honey tea which made me a little happier than I already was. The weather was perfect, not too hot but sunny and with cool breeze. While drinking my tea, I read IKEA magazine. I don't know what's up with IKEA, but they make magazines that makes me want to buy a house and fill it with their furniture and decorations. So I took some pictures of the things I liked. Here they are:

 I just love the vintage look of this bedroom.

 It is every girl's dream to have a perfect dressing room ;)

 I love this mainly because of the massive amount of sunlight coming through the window.

This seems like a pleasant workplace!

It's 11.01 am right now and it's only the beginning of the day so I am excited to find out what more is going to happen today. It's the day before my birthday, and I am going out with my friends later. I hope we all have a great time!

xx

Liz

This is another of my happy entry. So here is the news: I have finally finished my French grammar A2 book! I have been holding onto it for about 3-4 months and I have promised myself to finish it before August, but couldn't keep my promise because of various reasons. Okay fine, I will be honest, I was just lazy. I was too busy watching TV series and having great time with people I like. But the point is I have finally finished it. I sat down today at the desk in front of the book with two lamps and a beer, and told myself that I would not get out of the chair until I finished the book. I think it took me about an hour. My neck and back hurts but my brain is full of knowledge and my mind happy for keeping the promise and achieving something. Tomorrow I am going to buy another book, which is a higher level, and will try to finish it before the I take the exam on the 6th of September. I think it is quite difficult to do so, but I think I should be able to at least get some idea of it so that I can get accepted in B2 level. I hope things go according to plan. However, I have learned that when things don't go according to plan, the most amazing or I should say memorable thing happen. Like I have mentioned before, I have to get out of my comfort zone more. But that doesn't mean that I will abandon my life and all the academic duties. I will stay in that zone but in other categories, I will get out there and show the world what I've got and what I can get from it.

Well, that was something full of positive energy. I hope it reaches you all!

xx

Liz

I am finally back home. Where was I? Let's just say that I spent about a week with the person I have become quite fond of recently. I had the most amazing experience while I was with that person: I flew on a light aircraft! It was a four-people aircraft and one of the friends of my boyfriend was taking it out for a ride one night and we were invited. I had never flown on something like that before and was quite excited and nervous at the same time. It was like in movies, they took the plane out of a enormous garage with, apparently, enormous gates, and pulled it on the track. We got on the plane one by one and had the headphones on. Yes, I am talking about those that pilots wear! Then we began to fly. It was just incredible. The sun was setting and the city was lighted by uncountable lights, the sky was full of stars... it was the most romantic date I have ever had! Contrary to my assumptions, the flight was quite comfortable, without much turbulence. When the plane turned around to go back to the airport for landing, I felt a little nauseatic but except that, it was completely peaceful. 

Now that I am back home, I have to take care of some stuff like working on my French grammar, and registering to my course. But, I will be going back again tomorrow or the day after since my vacation is ending quite soon, and I want to take advantage of the rest of it and spend as much time as I can with him. I hope you guys are having fun in your life like me. I will write again whenever I can or want.

xx

Liz 

I don't know how to call myself, capricious or positive. The thing is, I get really depressed and hating my life and myself, which happens occasionally, and yesterday was one of those days. But the thing is after some series of TV shows, a good night's sleep, and the beautiful blue sky with sunshine in the morning, I feel much better. I don't even remember what I was being so depressed about. Sometimes I wish I would just stick to one feeling. Because I can go on like this, being happy and joyful, then one second, something doesn't go according to my plan, I feel like my whole world is falling apart. I guess I am just dramatic.

I was talking to my dad today, and we were talking about changes. In life, there's always changes. No matter how much you try, time goes by and changes are inevitable. My dad is more of a guy who takes challenges and enjoys changes, even if that means that he has to give up everything that he feels comfortable with. But me, I say out loud that I love changes, and new people and new food and whatever new things that I can experience, but inside my mind, I reject them. I want to push new things away, because they are scary. It means that I have to get out of my perfect little world and let them inside, share what's inside. Someone once said, your life starts when you get out of your comfort zone. What am I even doing at home doing nothing? I am young and I shouldn't be afraid of anything. Just like my dad said, even if you fail, what can you lose? Trying new things and failing is what it's all about to be young.

Just letting you know, I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Start the adventure. And you should too.

xx

Liz

I did something fun this morning. Instead of going on facebook or watching TV shows, I stood in front of my wall where my map of Paris was and I started to mark all the places that I have been and have had great time. I am not so sure if you can see all the marks, but they are blue and red. I have marked the parks I love, the walks I enjoy, my favorite shopping streets and great cafe/restaurants. Since I was young, I loved maps. I could just sit down and look at a map for hours without getting bored. I guess that's why I have many maps with me. In fact, I should start to collect them! Okay, this could be my new thing now. I'm feeling quite positive today, despite the fact that I am still feeling a little sick and weak and the weather is not very pleasing. I hope you guys find some interesting hobbies too!

xoxo
Liz

closer shots

ps. I think this is the first time I am uploading pictures that I took. Mostly I just use google images. In fact, I was going to use one of the images of Paris map from google, but I decided to just take pictures of my own. It's more realistic that way anyway. Oh and the necklace you see on the left top of the first picture is the first gift my boyfriend gave me. It's from la réunion, where he spent two weeks for vacation. :)

If someone asks me what is the thing you hate the most, I would answer, 'when you are sick and there is no one else to take care of you so you have to cook and eat by yourself.' Yes I am sick now. Or should I say, feeling down and powerless caused by several, but fortunately not consecutive, vomiting, due to my reckless behavior of being intoxicated by something I promise myself I would never put into my throat ever again. Oh well, 'sick' was pretty good expression. The thing is, my dear friend and I had been talking about having a drunk skype session for a long time, and finally we found the time both of us could be wasted without disturbing other people we live with. At first it was fun. Of course, it was. We've never actually been drunk together so it was fun to see both of us making fool of ourselves. I was drinking beer and then I switched to wine. We were laughing, playing drinking games, having a nice time. Then I made the most horrible decision I regret so much that I want to go back time. A sudden hunger appeared, even though I had had my dinner before, and thanks to the alcohol I have put down my throat, I couldn't think straight enough and keep myself from food. First of all, I love food. I love cooking and eating. It gives me joy. Second of all, when I am tipsy, I make stupid decisions, like everyone else, and whatever I do, I try to justify myself. Last night, when I realized that I was reaching for some potato salad I had made for dinner, I told myself, eating and drinking together can prevent me from getting hangover. WRONG. very wrong.   It was too delicious. Or I was too tipsy to stop and save myself from this tragedy I am having now. I had cooked quite a lot, and the next thing I know is I am almost done with the dish. I should have stopped there. Well, something actually stopped, my memory that is. I don't remember what happened afterwards. The next thing I saw was myself throwing up everything I had last night into the toilet. When I came back to my room, I saw the dish was empty, a full glass of wine, and an empty bottle of wine. I just couldn't stand the smell, I had to throw away the rest of the wine and open the window and get some air. I lied down on bed but my stomach wouldn't let me sleep peacefully at all. I had to pay my regular visit to the toilet until around 3pm, and note that I was forced to wake up at 9am. So that's 6 hours. Can you imagine, getting everything that is in your stomach out, little by little, for 6 hours? Trust me, you don't want to know how it feels. After some time, I was feeling better and I got too dizzy for not eating anything. So I took some peaches. Oh sweet god, it was so juicy and tasty. I took two of them, and went back to bed happily. Next thing I know my stomach is doing its tricks again. I had to give up my peaches to the toilet reluctantly. Finally after spending the whole day in bed, staring at my laptop screening like a lunatic, I got up. I was feeling much better and decided to eat something. I cooked rice soup, something my mom always used to cook for me when I was sick. I missed her more than anyone, but I had to do everything myself, since there was no one there. I ate some but couldn't take it anymore so had to stop in the middle. I cross my fingers that I won't be sick tomorrow. And I am telling myself, I will not touch any alcohol anymore. I have had my bad times, but this time, I thought I was going to die. I cannot continue torturing my body like this. I am still young and I need to take care of it, not ruin it. My boyfriend won't be very happy but I am sure he will understand. 

So guys, take care of your health when you are healthy. Do exercises regularly, eat healthy, quit smoking if you are smoking, and please, mark my words, do not drink more than you can handle. Seriously. 

After the talk last night, I feel so lost and confused. I'm not sure if I get what is going on, but maybe I have an idea. Is he afraid that he might start to really like me? What does he mean that he was supposed to be emotionless? My head is full of these questions and I have no idea where to find the answers. I will have to talk to him about this when he comes back. But at the same time, I get what he is trying to say. Because me too, I am afraid that I might be falling for him. I mean all the guys I've met, they were not like him. I have no idea what this will lead us but I hope it will make both of us happy. 

Life really is full of surprises..

Most of the people might have heard of this movie I am going to talk about tonight. Except for he fact that it is a Woody Allen film and that there are actresses like Penelope Curz and Scarlet Johansson have participated, the movie is quite alluring that it's filmed in Barcelona, one of the most beautiful cities I have ever visited. 

I first heard of this movie when I decided to travel to Barcelona a month ago. My friend who accompanied me there told me about it and said that I had to watch the movie before I left. Unfortunately, I was too lazy and was busy taking care of other stuff like school and packing, I didn't get to watch it like advised. After a lovely but a bit tiring week with friends, I needed to rest myself a little. That's when this movie came up in my mind. I thought, why not? Now that I have visited the city, and perhaps I can appreciate more and relate to it even. 

It was one of the better films by Woody Allen. Frankly, I liked it much more than Midnight in Paris, which I thought was quite lovely at the time when I watched it. Vicky Christina Barcelona shows three different female characters with different personality and view of life and in my opinion, it depicted them profoundly. They each had their own style of loving and being loved and they were all beautiful in their own way. 

Like always, I tried to find which one I was the closest to, personality-wise. But I couldn't find exactly who it was, then I realized, the whole point of the movie is being a different person and having a different style of life. I cannot find the exact same character as me anywhere else. Of course there are some similarities between people from time to time, but the exact same, no, it does not exist. 

The film showed struggles between reality and lust. What is right and wrong. What to pursue, what you want or what you need. The ending was quite realistic, but I could see that the two girls were not the same people as they were before the trip. Anything you do, you earn and lose something, no matter it's abstract or real.

Overall, it was a good movie after a week surrounded by extremely friendly people who love drinking. It gave me some time to be alone and think a little about love and life. 

Wow, I can't believe I totally forgot about my blog. I think it's been almost two months now, since I last wrote here. What intrigued or reminded me of this blog was my mint tea. After being lazy and doing nothing the whole day, I felt down and dizzy so I decided to take a tea at the balcony, thinking about what is there to think about. Then I suddenly remembered that I used to write blogs while I was doing the exact same thing. So do say thank you to the mint tea.

For those two months I have been not around, I assure you, I was quite busy. First of all, I finished school. Okay that was quite a long time ago. I got my certificate, I went to the graduation ceremony (which was long and boring as usual). My best friend came here from England for five days and we had a blast of time. Then I parted for Beauvais and eventually, Barcelona. It was an unforgettable trip. The people, the food, the beach, and everything, I will never be able to forget. Then, I met someone. Yes, there is always that part. The most interesting thing about life, people. I cannot say anything right now about it, since we have been seeing each other for not so long, but I can tell you, I want to do it right this time. More on that later.

I have also been looking for jobs and finally had an interview yesterday. Things went pretty well and I am waiting for their reply. I hope I get it.

The weather has been quite capricious these days. I see the blue sky in the morning and be all childish and happy, but then later on I see dark clouds coming with the rain and be depressed and complicated.

I suddenly remembered that I haven't talked to one of my best friends for a long time. I have to talk to her more often. I mean we used to hang out every single day for two years in high school. I truly is sad that people change as time passes by no matter how hard you try to stay the same. But yes, life wouldn't be interesting if you were the same exact person you were thirty years ago.

It really feels good to blabber about what I think without caring what others would think. I know there are people out there I don't even know who read this. But I don't really care. I just feel the need to say some things I want. Not that I am scared of actually telling others in person what I think. Sometimes, you can get tired of people around you. Not because you don't like them or they bore you. It' just, you need some time alone sometimes. That's how it works. People are social animals but to be that social animal, we need time to reflect on ourselves and get ready. I would like the tea from the mosque. Maybe tomorrow I will go there and take some.

Mainteant je sais il faut que je apprend le français. Mais on ne peut pas faire les chose on doit faire tous le temps. C'est dûr. C'est la vie.

It was just... 'wow.' I have always underestimated Korean movies, maybe because I am Korean and I know how most of the stories end (yes there are so many cliches). When I was talking to my Italian friend, however, she found them very unique, which was the exact opposite to my thoughts. On the other hand, I found Italian movies quite different and amusing, which obviously didn't correspond to her thoughts. It is incredible how culture plays its role in differentiating each person's taste. Anyway, I watched a Korean movie today. Not because of the argument of me and my friend, but because I just missed Korea. I just wanted to see Seoul and just feel like I was there. Yes, I have lived in different countries for many years now, and I am used to this. But sometimes, amazingly especially nowadays, I do miss Korea. I do get homesick, I do miss the food and the people. How ironic people can be! I used to detest everything about it. The people, the lifestyle, the transportation... It doesn't mean that I completely love everything about it, but I just have matured to accept these things. And there are some parts I truly miss. After all, I am a Korean. I can never undo that.

The movie's name is 'Secrets, objects.' But I find the Korean name more... real. It has more feelings to it, it seems. 사물의 비밀. There is something deeper in this name than the English name. Basically the English name is the translation of the Korean name, but there are things that can be expressed better or carry deeper meaning in different languages, and this is one of those cases. The name was actually something that caught my attention. It was something different, I could feel. After watching the trailer, I was drawn to it. I couldn't resist but watching it. But then again, I hesitated a little. I thought, 'what if it's one of those cliched Korean movies and I would be wasting my time?' However, I couldn't not watch it. I wanted to know more about the movie and how it will display itself in front of my eyes.

The objective itself was very 'fresh.' Ordinary objects from mundane activities having thoughts and feelings about their owners, observing them as closely as one can, and describing how they feel... There are many methods of writing a story with different perspectives, but this was innovative. Not that I haven't read a story in which an object was the storyteller. But there was something beautiful about this story. Maybe the secretive observance of the objects and the main characters caused this feeling? I am not sure.

Everyone has their own secrets. We all do. We just pretend that we don't. But maybe, like in the movie, those objects we always carry or see, they might be watching us, our little secrets. This doesn't mean that we should be ashamed of what we do, or that we should stop it. Because those objects themselves have their own secrets.

It is very sad that people realize how important things are after they are gone. I had a nightmare last night and it was unbearably horrible. Someone with whom I did everything, someone who was always there for me, but someone whose value I took for granted, died. He was not a real person, but I knew for some reason that he was a very important person to me. He had an image of a giant monster. I remember his features vaguely, but the feelings seem so near as if I can touch them. When he died because of me, I couldn't resist but crying out loud. It suddenly struck me how fragile and meaningless I am without him. If only I could go back time...

Cherish your friends, the moments you spend with them. Once they are gone, you will be empty in heart and soul.

I thought I was alright now. I thought I wasn't timid anymore. I thought I had everything figured out, and the shy little me has disappeared. I thought I expressed my thoughts and feelings as much as I wanted. But I realized I was wrong. The shy girl whom I used to be, or thought I used to be, was still here within me, dominating most of my thoughts and behaviors. I still cared how others thought about me. I still got hurt easily. I still was not confident. I just got better at hiding it, that's all. Yes, I do express my feelings more often, I say what I think, but only those things that I know are appropriate, that everyone would like, that wouldn't make me stand out, isolated. I just always wanted to be part of the group. I still don't know how to act when someone compliments me. I still don't know what to do when someone hurts me. I am still the person I used to be. I thought I was confident now. But I never really was. Still, confidence is what I need the most. I cannot blame anyone for that. Even though someone or the environment may have shaped my personality, the power of being able to change is always within me.

A scene from 'Adventureland'

Hey there. Last time I wrote here, I was quite angry and emotional. I couldn't control myself and had to just write whatever was on my mind, since there was no one I can talk to about it. Just in case you want to know, everything is under control now -at least I would like to think so- and I am quite calmed down. I mean I have to be calmed by now, since it was what more than a week ago?

These days I am studying for my finals. I have five exams this week and next week. They are not terribly difficult, just a little challenging. If I spend some time studying for each subject, I will be fine. I feel that my French has improved a lot, compared to when I first came here. I was hopelessly lost and felt like a total idiot, not understanding a thing what others were saying. Still I smile at whatever I don't understand, but I do understand a lot now. Even when I was listening to the radio this morning, I could understand what they were talking about, which was about the new French president, Francois Holllande, who is going to go to have a meeting with other European leaders to discuss about Greece's current financial situation. So, school will be over very soon, actually in two weeks. If I were at high school, I would be jumping up and down with joy and excitement, but now I am not actually in a 'school,' I am not as excited as I might have been. I need to figure out what I am going to do for summer, and afterwards as well. I guess I will try to work in summer, but the thing is, it seems to be so hard to find jobs, since I don't speak very good French. I will have to look into that. After summer I think I will continue study French in Sorbonne. Maybe I will try to apply to other language schools if there is any good ones.

Anyway, I recently started to watch all the movies in which Kristen Stewart play, except, of course, for Twilight series. I am sorry, but I really don't get it. I think it's just lame. All it does is provoking false fantasy of some weird vampires. Teenage girls develop ridiculous ideas about supernatural creatures, which I believe don't exist. But her other movies are great. Her acting is great, the stories are touching. I first saw her in a movie 'Speak,' and was surprised by how well she acted. Then there are other movies like 'The Cake Eaters,' 'Adventureland,' and 'Welcome to the Rileys.' She seems to  be assigned to play as a bit dark characters. She coveys the emotions well, and maybe that is why? I made a list of her movies that I want to watch, and have already watched. I am going to check all the list maybe by the end of July. 5 down, 8 to go, so good luck for me.

The weather has been incredibly perfect for staying at home and study, that is to say, shitty. People in other countries all seem to be wearing shorts and short sleeves by now, but not in Paris. Let's take today, in the morning when I woke up, I saw blue sky, but now it's as milky and depressing as it can be. It looks like it is going to pour soon, but maybe it won't. I hope it gets better by the time my exams are over. Can't wait for a long sunny day.

I fucking hate this. Why can't I stay friends with my friend after he gets a girlfriend? Or is he just ignoring me? I really hate to think so. He is my best guy friend. At least I thought so. Maybe he didn't think the same as me. He's become a fucking asshole. Never talks to me and when I talked to him after such a long time, he's 'i'm busy'ing me and ignoring me. What the hell. I've been being thoughtful and not text him every single time or skype with him every single time since he got a girlfriend. We used to talk so much and were so close. I hate it really why would this happen? Why would he change like that? I almost called him a fucking asshole too. I hate this. Why does this have to happen? Why can't girls and boys be just friends? Yesterday too, why couldn't he get his face off of mine? Why couldn't we be just friends? He was cool at first and all but all he thought about was fucking me. I really fucking hate his. I know I have to understand guys are always like this, they cannot help it, but why can't we be just friends? I thought it was easier to be friends with guys once they get a girlfriend. But I guess I am wrong again. Seriously, fuck this.

Ha- I have changed the background and some of the outlines of Mr.D today! It seems quite nice with all the flowers and fresh grass and of course, the sky. This is how I want the weather to be here in Paris. It keeps raining and raining... I heard that it rains the whole month in April, so I just kept waiting for it to end. Now that it is May, I thought that it would be so much better. Oh but no. It's still so cold that I have to wear coats and even scarves. Anyway, I will stop whining about how bad it is. It won't change anything, would it.

I met all my classmates today for the first time after the long long vacances. Everyone seemed to be in great shape, though most of them had hard time getting used to studying French everyday. To be honest, I am quite glad to be back to class, since I felt so useless and lazy during the holiday. I really didn't do anything that productive- just watching movies and occasionally doing grammar exercises, c'est tout. If I want to master French as soon as possible, then I would have to be more enthusiastic about learning it. I hate it when I can see that I am lazy.

I really don't have anything to say- I wrote this just to say that I have changed the background. Now then I will just go shower and get ready to sleep. Wish I ride on a unicorn in my dream tonight.

xx

Liz

I often think, what if the world ends and all the people who has made come true the new technologies we enjoy today? I mean not even the new technologies like iPhone, just take a radio. Ask around, see if how many people know how to make a radio by themselves? So, let's say there is a catastrophe and all these engineers die and only people with no knowledge of any of these inventions survive. Then we will have to go back to whatever we started from, won't we? We wouldn't have anything to make fire, so we might use some stones or tree branches to light a fire; we wouldn't have mobile phones or internet to communicate with others so we might start writing letters. Oh but think about it, we might not even know how to make papers because we are used to buying them at stationary stores. This is why sometimes I get afraid of all the new technologies. They come out, and people master how to use it, not how to make it, and enjoy their new life with high-tech. But this is just making people stupid and more and more reliable to everything the scientists or engineers have created. If they are gone, we can be a baby kangaroo who just came out of the mother's pocket, not knowing anything or what to do without it. I feel we need to educate ourselves, not wasting time and money on useless things.

Just before waking up by the alarm clock at 6.30 a.m., which I forgot to turn off, I had a dream. Since I had the dream right before waking up, I could remember it very clearly. So basically the dream started like this:

My family and I were on a trip. When we say 'my family and I were on a trip,' most of the time we mean that 'my family' and 'I' were on the same trip. But not in my dream. We were all going our separate way. I don't remember where each member of the family was going, but we were all on a different trip by ourselves. For me, I remember thinking to myself in my dream, 'I am going back to Paris.' The next thing I remember is on a street, looking for a bus or something that I know, because I have been living in Paris for three months now, and I must know something or be familiar with something in the city. But then I looked up and I saw this huge building. It was so tall and it hurt my neck to look at the top of the building. It was magnificent with all the carvings. But except for the building the street looked cold and people looked reserved. It seemed as if the building itself was a different city. But at the same time, it seemed like the building had a strange influence on people and it was somehow controlling them. As soon as I saw the building, I thought to myself, 'this is not Paris. It cannot be Paris.' Then the idea of, 'oh I am in ....' Instead of those dots, I thought of a Eastern European country's name, but when I woke up I wasn't sure what I said. The dream continued as I tried to get back to the airport. I didn't speak their language and it was very hard to ask the way to the airport. Fortunately, there was a bus stop nearby  and I went to see if I could ask anyone. I tried English and French but my first few attempts failed. Then I saw two teenage girls. I went up to them and asked if they spoke English or French. They replied in English. I thought to myself, 'thank God. Finally.' Then the girls told me that I should take this one bus to the airport. I thanked them and waited for the bus. I don't remember getting on the bus, but the next thing I remember is I was on a tiny fish tank-like bus with two old Chinese couples. I saw them talking in Chinese and tried to politely ask them if the bus was going to the airport. They first looked surprised that I spoke Chinese. But I chose some impolite words when I was asking and the husband looked away rudely, as if I offended him. But the wife was kind enough to tell me that the bus was going to the airport. I was relieved. Finally I could go back to wherever I planned to go to. When we arrived at the airport I got off and started to walk in the direction of departure. I walked and walked and suddenly I realized that I didn't have my shoes. I was wearing socks but they had got all dirty. Then I remembered taking off my shoes on the bus and putting them in some kind of box. So I had to go back to the bus. On my way to the bus, little by little, people started to follow me. First, young boys followed me and then the crowd became bigger. When I reached the bus, I told the driver about my situation and said I wanted my shoes back. He looked down on me and said, 'it is going to be hard.' He gave me a look that it was almost impossible for me to get them. The next thing I remember is me climbing up on the bus and trying to get into a tiny window. I don't know where the door was I just knew that I had to go through the window. Then I got my shoes and came out of the same window. As if I was doing some tricks in a circus, I had to bend my back and swing forwards and backwards. When I finally got out, the crowd was cheering for me. Then they took me back to the airport, some people carrying me on their shoulders as if I was some kind of a hero. It was like a parade, music playing, flowers being thrown, and people singing and dancing. That was the end of the dream.

When I got up, I could not get rid of the image of the tall, magnificent building. I remembered thinking to myself that it was in Eastern Europe so I searched for a map of Eastern Europe and started to search for images of buildings in Eastern European countries one by one. I had a strong feeling that it was from the Czech Republic, but it was not. I kept searching, losing hope that it was just some imaginary thing. Then I saw it. It was right there. I will show you with an image of the building.

This was it. Standing right there, dominating everything else around it. That is exactly the image I saw in my dream. I was so shocked. It was real. This building is called 'Latvian Academy of Science.' It was a gift from Stalin to Latvia in 1956 and is a typical Stalinist architecture. It is 108m high and is the first skyscraper in Latvia. It was so crazy. I have never even seen or heard of this building, and moreover, I didn't even know where Latvia was. So to give you an idea, Latvia is located in Eastern Europe, right next to Russia and right below Estonia. Here is a map.

So tell me, how insane this is. I learned in my psychology class that in dreams, we see some fragments of things we saw/experienced in daily life or in the past. I have never seen it or gone there or anything related to this building before. Once again, I realize how beautiful and mysterious dreams are. This is another picture of the building, I just thought it suit the concept of what I am talking about here.

Anything can happen in dreams. 

picture by marble-house. link: http://marble-house.deviantart.com/art/little-dragon-293804191?q=favby%3Aliobambi%2F4867736&qo=13


I haven't written here for such a long time. Well, I am not going to make dumb excuses like I was busy or something. Because I wasn't. I was more being super lazy at everything. I need some inspiration to do some creative things or to find something to keep me busy. If I don't have to do anything, then I tend to do so many dumb, useless, and unproductive things like watching celebrity news. After I have watched all the news that is available for the day, I go to 9gag.com and I just read all the posts until I reach wherever I left last time. Also, I do this thing where I justify myself that I did something productive after doing a tiny little thing such as doing my homework. This is so embarrassing, to admit that I do such useless stuff. But it is true and things have to change here. Meanwhile, I was browsing through youtube and found this guy named Robin Gabriel. He is simply amazing. His videos really inspired me and made me smile the whole time. He and his brother takes great videos and he has an incredible editing skills. I love all of his work. His brother's work is really cool too, so please check them out! Here is one of Robin's videos I fell in love with:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEey0x_7-9Y&feature=g-all-s&context=G298d554FAAAAAAAADAA

I hope you all have a great night and if you are as unproductive as I am or feel like you are not doing much in your life, why don't you just shut down your computer and write down or draw something you like. Or, you can listen to Lenka's songs. Love you all.

Lizzie

I cannot explain this feeling. It is just so peaceful and tranquil right now. After midnight, in suburb, most of the people go to sleep and it seems like I am the only one who is awake. Along with some wine, I am feeling so good.

I have said this so many times, but I want to say it once more, I just love my life in Paris. It seems like anything is possible. I really enjoy everything, and I can appreciate art much more than I used to. And mostly, I am not stressed at all. I am so relaxed, to the point I don't even feel the need to eat to feel the pleasure. You know some people eat a lot when they are stressed because it gives them a little pleasure and makes them relaxed. I am one of those people but after I came to Paris, I hardly feel that I need to eat a lot. At some times I just don't even want to eat at all. That's how relaxed I am here. I feel like I can live here forever. The only thing I don't like here is that I live too far away from the central. It takes around an hour for me to get there from home and it's really frustrating because I always have to leave early from a party or a little gathering not to miss the last metro or not to be too late when I get home. But I will be moving out soon to central Paris so I hope that will be fine.

Everything is so quiet now. I can even hear the silence itself. I love it here. There is no other way to say this. I just love it so much here. Thank you, whoever let me stay here.

(This is something called tidy up art. Well it looks nice all arranged but I prefer a little bit of mess in paintings.)

Today, I made up my mind and I tried to tidy up my room and my folder, which I have been procrastinating for ages. After coming home from grocery shopping (I'm going to make this Italian dish with baguette, tomato, potato, and chicken. I asked my Italian friend the name of the dish and she told me but I forgot. Stupid me. But it sounded as awesome as it tastes.) I had a quick lunch and I began right away to do my homework. While doing so, I had to fight this strong urge to take a nap. But I thought if I took a nap now, then I wouldn't be able to finish my homework today and my plan of tidying up my room and the folder would be ruined. So, I fought hard and just managed to finish my homework as well as some extra grammar. After that, I took a little break, practising my guitar. And then I came to my room and folded up all my laundry and put them all back into my closet which took quite a while because there were just so many! (yes... I had been shopping. But the weather is like summer now and I only had winter/fall clothes!) Afterwards I finally began to tidy up my folder which seemed like it was tortured by all the papers I just randomly put in. I punched holes and then put them in the right sections. It always makes me feel good whenever I tidy up things. I am not really a clean freak but I like arranging things, making plans and I don't know... I just like it when things are in their positions. But trust me, I can get really really lazy and just throw everything everywhere. But yes, it's always so good to have a clean room and some sunshine coming in. Now it's time to go make my lovely Italian dish for my family. Write you soon!

xx

I went to this gathering/picnic organised by a guy my friend knew from Couchsurfing. It was a beautiful day and the Seine was full of colour and excitement. People were relaxed, enjoying the sun and talking to new people. I was sitting right by the river, looking at the different colours of the water, fighting myself not to jump into the water when a guy started to talk to me. He was French, but spoke perfect English, and was a head of a motorcycle club. He seemed like a nice guy and we talked for a while. We talked about many things and the occasion being held by a member of Couchsurfing, we began to talk about traveling. He told me the places he has been to and I was surprised by the variety of places he has been to. He has already been to all of the European countries except two, and also has been to other continents like North and South America and Africa. Then he told me that he rode his motorcycle across South America. I was dazzled. There are actually people like him, taking all these adventures, enjoying their lives to the fullest. Crossing a continent with a motorbike. Just imagine it. How beautiful and exotic it will be. Then I told him that I would never be able to do that because 'my mom would freak out.' Yes, that was not the coolest thing to say but that's the first thing that came out from my mouth. Then he said, with a little bit of I-can't-believe-what-you-said look in his eyes, 'but that is not important.' The rest of the conversation, I don't remember. I just kept thinking about what I said. The first thing that came up to my mind is my mom getting angry at me. I could not believe it but then I also understood why it came out. This made me think a lot. I have been always like this. When I had to take a challenge or an adventure, I always stepped back saying, 'my mom wouldn't allow this.' Well, to be fair, it was true in the beginning. Since I was young, my mom has been quite strict and protective. I even had curfew at 10pm when I was in Korea, and I was 20. But I cannot blame her forever and not do anything adventurous. Now it seems like I have made that an excuse for not doing anything crazy. I was never the cause, it was my mom. But after this conversation, I have realized that I should stop this whole thing. I have lived my life all for her, and for her not to worry and at some point it grew like a giant tree in my mind, roots too deep to take out. It has to change now. I really need to think more about myself, and what makes me happy. Stop using her as my excuse.

So I have seen this movie. I bet many people know it just by looking at the picture above, '500 Days of Summer'. To put simply, this movie confused me a bit. At the end of the movie, there is one scene where Summer and Tom meets at their favourite spot again and talk about what happened between them and what is happening now. Summer is married, Tom is jobless. And they talk about their view on love and both of them acknowledge that the other was right. Summer says that true love exists but Tom believes that they are all lies. It confused me for a while. Who is right? But then I thought again. It is the person that you meet that make you think differently. People you meet can really have a great effect on you and your views in life. At the end, Tom suggests that nothing is meant to be. They are all coincident and that's what matters. But I still want to believe that there are some things that are meant to be. Every small decision you make can lead you to completely different lives. It is fascinating how you end up where you are. If you look back and try to remember the links of things that led you where you are, then you will understand, how little things can change your life. But if you think about this too much, then you will feel so much pressure everyday. Being always careful and consider how you will end up when making each choice can be frustrating and it is not something someone should do. Sometimes it is better to just let it flow. To see where it reaches. I think that is kind of what I am doing now. I used to be nervous about my future a lot, but now I am more laid back and accepting things as it is and try to enjoy the moment, make the best out of it. Because this moment will never come back again. Just let it flow.

It is really hard to say 'i love you' to someone who you really love. But sometimes, you just have to say it, no matter what circumstances are, don't think, just say.

i love you mom.

i love you dad.

parents can affect their kids so greatly, even if it's in a bad way or good way. I really hope that parents in the world would show a good paradigm to their children. Because no matter how old they are, they learn from their parents and can be hurt deeply by them.

I've been wanting to watch this movie for a while. When I saw the trailer, I was intrigued by this monologue of the heroine of the movie. It goes:

'I thought I understood it. But I didn't. Not really. Only the smudginess of it. The egoness of it. Only the idea of it. Of you and me.'

The scenes of the movie also seemed like something I would like. So I watched the movie today. It was warm and real. I could relate to the feelings they felt because of my experience. Even though mine didn't end up as theirs, I think the feelings and stresses we felt were the same. Maybe for me, the guy wasn't the right one. I wasn't supposed to be with him. If I were, or if we felt something strong for each other, we would have found some way to be together like they did. But I'm not regretting anything or complaining about not having a happy ending like their story. I am merely stating the fact and telling the story of what happened.

The reality of getting a visa and violating visa and also looking for a new job made the movie a better one. If it was just about two people from different countries falling in love and getting married and live happily after, then it will only stay as a movie. However, no matter what, being with someone you love is the most important thing, I still believe.

I was eating my lunch and looking for a movie to watch and suddenly wondered why there are top comments in almost every social website. Then I came to the thought that everyone wants to know what the majority thinks. But I think the opinion of every person should be listened and counted as well. Not majority of the people will agree but brilliant ideas might come out from a person and it can be ignored. Almost all the geniuses disagreed with the norm and they changed the world, didn't they? Just a thought.

I just came back from an Irish pub called WOS near my school and I am thinking to myself, I feel just so lucky to be here. When I couldn't go to the university in Bristol, I was so disappointed and depressed, and never thought that my life would turn out to be good again. But look, everything here is amazing and I love it. People are nice, the lifestyle is amazing. I am just so glad I came here and I thank God for the opportunity he has given me. There always are reasons for things to happen, and he might have wanted me to enjoy this amazing life in Paris so he didn't let me go to Bristol University. I feel like I can actually live my whole life here in Paris, occasionally traveling around other countries. Actually, I might even go to Barcelona or Oslo this April. I am really excited about it. I have lived in London and I have never felt this way. I was mostly stressed because of all the work and financial problems. Now I'm more relaxed and enjoying the real student life, not the extravagant rich international student life in London. And my love for art here can be expressed an acknowledged by people so that is amazing as well. I am going to exhibitions and maybe concerts later for cheap prices. I am meeting so many people from so many different background. You just have to be open to accept anything, then you will enjoy your life to the best. Again, thank God for giving me this opportunity to experience all the things I am experiencing now.

Love

Lizzie.

These days it seems like I am reading and watching many things that teach me good lessons. As for today, I watched a movie called 'Desert Flower,' which was recommended by my dear friend Michelle. When I first saw the cover, I saw some cat walk shots and thought it would be some chick flick. But Michelle told me a different story. She said, 'It's very sad.' I thought, 'How can a chick flick can be that sad?' With my doubts, I put the DVD in the CD-ROM and waited for the movie to begin. When the first scene appeared, I realized that this was not going to be some chick flick about the fashion world. I was drawn into the movie the whole time I was watching it and finally when it ended, I had to wipe out some tears I had shed. A long sigh, followed by a plaudit: 'What a great movie.' After everything was done, I searched for the model, Waris Dirie, desert flower, and found a picture of her smiling with the actress/model in the movie. Then I realized that the actress and the real model actually shared the experience, and could understand each other from the deep. Maybe that was why the movie was such a success. It made me think that there are so many different types of life out there in the world, and I am just a nano piece of it. I tell myself and people around me that I have experienced so many things through travelling around and meeting people from different countries. Yet, I am still just a little frog in a well, who got to have a small telescope so that I can take a little glimpse of what is out there. I really thank Michelle for giving me the opportunity to be exposed to what is really going on in another part of the world. It has been an amazing experience, as if I actually shared and felt the pain of the girls in Africa who go through female genital mutilation. This afternoon could have been mundane and insipid, but this movie added a color in it and made my heart warm. I feel again, how happy I am and how I should treat everything and everyone with appreciation. And again, I learned a good lesson.

Hi everyone. I have settled in Paris quite well. Everything is going great, it seems. I have sorted out my university problems, my housing, bank, phone, and even transportation card. Paris is a great city and I would love to go around here but right now, I am relaxing at home, watching many movies. Last night, I watched a movie called 'We'll Take Manhattan.' It was a movie about David Bailey, the renowned innovative photographer of Vogue, and Jean Shripmton, the most beautiful model in the 60's. I have never heard of both of them before I watched the movie but instantly fell in love with them afterwards. After watching the movie, I gave it a little thought, and came to the conclusion that I will never really be a real artist. Well, at least if I don't change. I love everything about art, but to be an artist is something different from just loving it. It requires courage, and being different from other people. In the movie, Bailey takes pictures in places that can be regarded as absurd and even rubbish. But his brave actions actually brought the fashion industry a whole new world. So, my point here is, you need to be brave enough to be different from others to be a real artist. I always want to do so, and I always just think about it, but I actually never carry it out. I think too much of how others will think about me if I acted differently, while I hate those who only does whatever everyone else does. I am such an ironic person, yes. But doesn't everyone hate those who have the same personality as them? Life is full of irony.

it's been such a long time since I updated my blogger. I have been busy going to different places and meeting my friends and new people. I had to have some time to settle down as well. I am currently in Paris, France. Yes, the city of love, people call it. I am looking for apartments to live and I think I have decided to live with a French family so that I can learn French quickly. They seem really nice and the apartment is big and nice so I think I will settle down quite well.

Right now, I don't really have any personal thoughts that I want to share. I just hope that I settle in quickly and well and go to a nice school here. I will write again when I have something more to say.

from Paris,

Lizzie

xx