I cannot explain this feeling. It is just so peaceful and tranquil right now. After midnight, in suburb, most of the people go to sleep and it seems like I am the only one who is awake. Along with some wine, I am feeling so good.

I have said this so many times, but I want to say it once more, I just love my life in Paris. It seems like anything is possible. I really enjoy everything, and I can appreciate art much more than I used to. And mostly, I am not stressed at all. I am so relaxed, to the point I don't even feel the need to eat to feel the pleasure. You know some people eat a lot when they are stressed because it gives them a little pleasure and makes them relaxed. I am one of those people but after I came to Paris, I hardly feel that I need to eat a lot. At some times I just don't even want to eat at all. That's how relaxed I am here. I feel like I can live here forever. The only thing I don't like here is that I live too far away from the central. It takes around an hour for me to get there from home and it's really frustrating because I always have to leave early from a party or a little gathering not to miss the last metro or not to be too late when I get home. But I will be moving out soon to central Paris so I hope that will be fine.

Everything is so quiet now. I can even hear the silence itself. I love it here. There is no other way to say this. I just love it so much here. Thank you, whoever let me stay here.

(This is something called tidy up art. Well it looks nice all arranged but I prefer a little bit of mess in paintings.)

Today, I made up my mind and I tried to tidy up my room and my folder, which I have been procrastinating for ages. After coming home from grocery shopping (I'm going to make this Italian dish with baguette, tomato, potato, and chicken. I asked my Italian friend the name of the dish and she told me but I forgot. Stupid me. But it sounded as awesome as it tastes.) I had a quick lunch and I began right away to do my homework. While doing so, I had to fight this strong urge to take a nap. But I thought if I took a nap now, then I wouldn't be able to finish my homework today and my plan of tidying up my room and the folder would be ruined. So, I fought hard and just managed to finish my homework as well as some extra grammar. After that, I took a little break, practising my guitar. And then I came to my room and folded up all my laundry and put them all back into my closet which took quite a while because there were just so many! (yes... I had been shopping. But the weather is like summer now and I only had winter/fall clothes!) Afterwards I finally began to tidy up my folder which seemed like it was tortured by all the papers I just randomly put in. I punched holes and then put them in the right sections. It always makes me feel good whenever I tidy up things. I am not really a clean freak but I like arranging things, making plans and I don't know... I just like it when things are in their positions. But trust me, I can get really really lazy and just throw everything everywhere. But yes, it's always so good to have a clean room and some sunshine coming in. Now it's time to go make my lovely Italian dish for my family. Write you soon!

xx

I went to this gathering/picnic organised by a guy my friend knew from Couchsurfing. It was a beautiful day and the Seine was full of colour and excitement. People were relaxed, enjoying the sun and talking to new people. I was sitting right by the river, looking at the different colours of the water, fighting myself not to jump into the water when a guy started to talk to me. He was French, but spoke perfect English, and was a head of a motorcycle club. He seemed like a nice guy and we talked for a while. We talked about many things and the occasion being held by a member of Couchsurfing, we began to talk about traveling. He told me the places he has been to and I was surprised by the variety of places he has been to. He has already been to all of the European countries except two, and also has been to other continents like North and South America and Africa. Then he told me that he rode his motorcycle across South America. I was dazzled. There are actually people like him, taking all these adventures, enjoying their lives to the fullest. Crossing a continent with a motorbike. Just imagine it. How beautiful and exotic it will be. Then I told him that I would never be able to do that because 'my mom would freak out.' Yes, that was not the coolest thing to say but that's the first thing that came out from my mouth. Then he said, with a little bit of I-can't-believe-what-you-said look in his eyes, 'but that is not important.' The rest of the conversation, I don't remember. I just kept thinking about what I said. The first thing that came up to my mind is my mom getting angry at me. I could not believe it but then I also understood why it came out. This made me think a lot. I have been always like this. When I had to take a challenge or an adventure, I always stepped back saying, 'my mom wouldn't allow this.' Well, to be fair, it was true in the beginning. Since I was young, my mom has been quite strict and protective. I even had curfew at 10pm when I was in Korea, and I was 20. But I cannot blame her forever and not do anything adventurous. Now it seems like I have made that an excuse for not doing anything crazy. I was never the cause, it was my mom. But after this conversation, I have realized that I should stop this whole thing. I have lived my life all for her, and for her not to worry and at some point it grew like a giant tree in my mind, roots too deep to take out. It has to change now. I really need to think more about myself, and what makes me happy. Stop using her as my excuse.

So I have seen this movie. I bet many people know it just by looking at the picture above, '500 Days of Summer'. To put simply, this movie confused me a bit. At the end of the movie, there is one scene where Summer and Tom meets at their favourite spot again and talk about what happened between them and what is happening now. Summer is married, Tom is jobless. And they talk about their view on love and both of them acknowledge that the other was right. Summer says that true love exists but Tom believes that they are all lies. It confused me for a while. Who is right? But then I thought again. It is the person that you meet that make you think differently. People you meet can really have a great effect on you and your views in life. At the end, Tom suggests that nothing is meant to be. They are all coincident and that's what matters. But I still want to believe that there are some things that are meant to be. Every small decision you make can lead you to completely different lives. It is fascinating how you end up where you are. If you look back and try to remember the links of things that led you where you are, then you will understand, how little things can change your life. But if you think about this too much, then you will feel so much pressure everyday. Being always careful and consider how you will end up when making each choice can be frustrating and it is not something someone should do. Sometimes it is better to just let it flow. To see where it reaches. I think that is kind of what I am doing now. I used to be nervous about my future a lot, but now I am more laid back and accepting things as it is and try to enjoy the moment, make the best out of it. Because this moment will never come back again. Just let it flow.

It is really hard to say 'i love you' to someone who you really love. But sometimes, you just have to say it, no matter what circumstances are, don't think, just say.

i love you mom.

i love you dad.

parents can affect their kids so greatly, even if it's in a bad way or good way. I really hope that parents in the world would show a good paradigm to their children. Because no matter how old they are, they learn from their parents and can be hurt deeply by them.