i'm not okay. i miss you too much. everything else except spending time with you seems useless and pointless. i lost interest in everything else but you. nothing seems to come into my mind. the more time i spend with you, the more i want to be with you. this is insane. it doesn't make sense. i'm so confused. i wish i could just stop thinking about you. i wish this will all end somehow. but i cannot possibly make myself to imagine being separated from you, leaving you, not being with you. it's unbearable. the thought makes me go crazy. i even want to take drugs to just to be able to concentrate on my studies and other stuff. i am willing to do anything. i want to tell you how i feel. but i am afraid that will push you away from me. and that is the last fucking thing i want in this life. when i looked into your eyes i wanted tell you i love you, and how much it hurts not to express it. but then i stopped myself. i thought about all the responsibilities that i might have after those three words. what if my feelings change? like it always has been? i really don't think it will happen, but what if it does? you never know. but also i was afraid that i wouldn't hear those three words back. i was too scared. like you tell me. i'm always scared. it's time that i need to be brave once in my lifetime. i should at least be able to express my feelings to you. you, the one i care the most, the one i would never want to lose. nothing or no one seems to matter. cute guys talking to me, flirting with me, or seducing me interest me less than your cut toenail. i used to be different. i used to flirt with other guys even when i was in a relationship. i didn't care about keeping any relationships before. i think i am being punished for doing so. i think i really have met someone, i have met you, who can change my whole life. i believe, and i am sure that, you are the one. i hope you can read my mind when i look straight to your eyes, and know what i have been wanting to tell you for a while. i love you.