I'm sitting in front of my desk, with a pile of French grammar reading to do, listening to my colocataires watching Harry Potter movie next room, and thinking about my life. I am depressed. I'm not so sure why. I just want to cuddle with him and forget about everything I am going through.

I'm watching gossip girl nowadays. I know it's just a chick-flick and high-teen TV show. I don't usually watch this kind of series but so many people were talking about it so I started to watch it, since you cannot say you don't like it unless you have watched it. Turns out, it's a good series to clear one's head and just dream about ludicrous life. And another surprising thing is that I could relate to something I watched today. Lilly was getting married to Rufus and she started to panic because she couldn't write her vows since the two of them had different point of views of raising their kids and the future. But that was only an excuse. She was actually afraid of starting a marriage with him because he was not like the other ex-husbands she had; she actually loved Rufus. She was afraid that if she makes her vows to him then there is a possibility that she would get heartbroken. Other husbands were easy to marry and to divorce. There was no tears or heartbrokeness. But in the end, she did get married and was truly happy. I guess what I am trying to say is that I am scared, just like Lily. I know it is quite early to say this but actually I have this feeling that I am falling for him. He certainly is different from other boyfriends I had. They were easy to date, easy to be separated, and easy to get over. But it seems that this guy can really hurt me. Maybe that's why I don't want to show myself to him entirely. I keep avoiding talking about important things with him. When these things come up I just try to avoid it because I am scared. I am still not sure if I should face them. To be honest, sometimes I am uncertain if I like him only physically. But then again, I would have just picked anyone. This guy is really extraordinary for me. I hope I am for him too.

xx

Liz