La Nostalgie

La nostalgie, quel beau mot! Il a l'air de douceur, l'air de sentiments oubliés. La première fois j'ai appris le mot, c'était dans le cours d'anglais au lycée. Bien sûr, j'avais déjà connu ce mot en coréen, ma langue maternelle, mais je n'avais jamais pensé profondément ce qu'il exprime. Je ne suis pas certaine pourqoui, mais j'ai été tombée amoureuse de ce mot. Il m'a rappelé ce qui étaient importants pour moi avant, mais ce qui étaient oubliés avec peu d'intention. Ces choses qui sont peut-être encore de grande portée pour ma vie se sont reveillés par dire le mot 'la nostalgie.' Elle est comme un boîte magique qui porte tous les mémoire qui sont encore dans nos coeurs, mais qui ont été mis de côté par des activités banales de présent.

J'était très occupée par le cours de français et le travail récent que j'avais trouvé, quand j'ai lu un extrait de 'Du côté de chez Swann,' par Marcel Proust. Il décrit un moment où l'autour avait eu quand il a gouté un morceau de madeleine avec un tasse de thé. Il n'avait pas su ce qu'il allait éprouver avant les prendre. Il ne s'attendait rien. Cependant, dès qu'il a pris une gorgée du thé et un morceau de la madeleine, il l'a senti: la nostalgia. Il ne pouvait pas éxpliquer ce que le sentiment signifiait ou d'où le venait, mais il savait qu'il était très proche de sa coeur et de son enfance. Il était sûr que le sentiment a eu quelque chose important pour lui. En attentant de savoir mieux ce qui s'était passé, il a pris une deuxième gorgée et un deuxième morceau. A sa grande surprise, il n'a rien senti ce qu'il avait senti après la première fois. Le troisème aussi, pas de succès. Il a essayé de trouver le source du sentiment, mais il ne pouvait pas. En fin, il a concluré que le réponse à la question était dans lui-même, alors qu'il n'a pas réussi à le trouver.

Quand je finissais lire l'extrait, je m'a rapplé d'un expérience j'avais eu un matin en Chine. J'avais peut-être dix-sept ans, un matin, je me suis reveillée pour aller au lycée. Comme d'habitude j'étais dans la salle de bain, à moitié endormi, j'ai brossé mes dents et lavé mon visage. Ensuite, sans intention, j'ai ouvert le fênetre de la salle et je respirais avec mes yeux fermés. C'était ce moment-là je l'ai senti: un bizarre mais intime sentiment. Bien que je ne pusse pas chercher son origine, j'ai su qu'il était de mon passé. Pour savoir en plus, j'ai respiré encore une fois, mais rien. J'étais énervée de ne pas trouver l'origine de ce sentiment où pourqoui je l'ai senti, mais enfin, j'ai abandonné.

Après avoir lu l'extrait de Proust, j'ai finalement compris. Ce n'est pas quelque chose nous pouvons savoir immédiatement. Il fait longtemps de le savoir ou nous ne pouvons jamais découvrir sons sens. Qui est importante est ce sentiment de la nostalgie est magnifique. Il est un trèsor nous avons dans nos coeurs tout le temps mais nous pouvons seulement le découvrir quelque fois dans la vie. Il vient de nos passés, et il peut signifier ce qui était importante pour nous. Donc, nous devons le préserver bien quand il rend viste à nous. Il est possible de ne jamais savoir ce qu'il est, mais il est déjà un voyage merveilleux de passé.

reminds me of you..

Choose the person who makes you cry, not the person who makes you laugh. You can laugh at anything, you can fake laugh, you can laugh because of a simple joke. But crying, it is different. Even if you don't want to, you cannot help it sometimes. You cry because of someone because they really mean something to you. You don't cry for someone who you've just met and find attractive. You cry for someone who means something to you. Something really important, and deep. So choose that one person who you cannot help but crying for sometimes. That's the one for you.

Time is flying crazily these days for me. I have school (which involves tons of homework and revising), I recently started working as an English tutor, and I have a relationship. Compared to a month ago, my life is so much fuller and compact. During the vacation, I used to just stay home and watch movies the whole day or sleep the whole day. Now I cannot imagine a day like that. Too many important things to take care about but also I want to spend time with my boyfriend and visit/do special places/things. So a normal day of my life goes like this:

Usually I have morning classes so afterwards, I have lunch while doing homework/revising. Then I go to afternoon classes if I have one, and if I don't, I prepare myself to give English lessons to kids. I go to work, and since I live far away, I also take some of my school work with me so that I can finish some of it on the subway. I give lessons to kids and if I feel like it, I take a beer (a beer after a hardworking day is just the heaven...), and I force my exhausted body on the subway to go back home. When I finally arrive at home at around 8 or 10 (it depends on the working hours), a massive amount of homework is waiting for me. I try to finish as much as I can, and I shower and go to sleep. Sometimes, I watch some videos or read books for entertainment, but usually I'm too tired to do so. I used to have insomnia, but it's long gone, since my body and mind are both tired as hell by the time I go to sleep. The next morning, the routine continues.

I cannot blame anyone for what I am doing, since I want to earn some pocket money and at the same time spend my weekend with my boyfriend, not doing or worrying about my school work. However, the most important thing in my life right now is learn French well. I still have around 11 months to master it. Hope it goes well...

Lately, I fell in love with this amazing alternative rock band called 'Ben Folds Five.' I am sure that some of you guys have heard of/listened to them. Their new album called 'The Sound of the Life of the Mind' doesn't have a single bad song. I love this album and there is a youtube video that plays the whole album. I listen to them while studying, which keeps me concentrated and excited about whatever I am doing. I hope you guys check it out and experience the great feelings.

Gotta go live my busy life. I will keep posting whenever I have some time. Hope all is well with you!

xx

Liz

I was doing my homework this afternoon, -well not really homework, more like reading materials for the class tomorrow- and one extract of an autobiography made me ponder a little bit. (I'm not going to whine about how much work I have been doing lately for the super challenging classes I'm taking now.) The extract described a moment when the author tasted a cup of tea and Madeleine together, and the sudden flow of unknown feelings occurred, which led to a huge confusion and inner turmoil of feelings. He could not identify where the feelings came from or even what they were. Therefore, in order to recapture the feelings and also in an attempt to figure out the source (most likely from a childhood memory, as he asserts), he takes another sip of the tea and a bite of Madeleine. But this time, he doesn't feel the same ecstatic sensation as the first time. Then he tries again, but the feelings reduce immensely. Thus, he stops tasting and falls into a deep thought and search of the origin of the sensation. He wanders through his memories but in the end, he does not find out the answer. So he considers about not 'searching' for it, and believes that he himself might have 'created' it at the moment. He first is certain that the answer is within himself, but later wonders if the answer is himself. The ending of the extract was ambiguous, leading the readers to draw out multiple conclusions.

What I am trying to say is that I know exactly how he felt at the moment the tea and the Madeleine went through his throat. I have experienced something similar: one day, after waking up and washing my face, brushing my teeth, I opened up the bathroom window and breathed in the air, with my eyes closed. Then I felt something. Something very familiar, something from the past. But I couldn't place what it was, and where and when I had experienced it. I just knew, not my brain but my body and skin knew it. I did the same thing again, closing my eyes and breathing in. But then the unknown nostalgia disappeared. The stimulating sensation of the past that awoke me on an early school day, was gone. Just gone. I couldn't recapture it anymore. I became very frustrated, looking for an answer. But eventually, I gave up, without succeeding. Now that I think back, I am thankful for just feeling what I felt. I don't really care what it was now, I just loved the feeling. Knowing but not knowing. I have felt it several times in my whole life, and expect to feel it again afterwards. Now that I know that I'm not the only one, I can be more prepared for it when the moment comes.