I was doing my homework this afternoon, -well not really homework, more like reading materials for the class tomorrow- and one extract of an autobiography made me ponder a little bit. (I'm not going to whine about how much work I have been doing lately for the super challenging classes I'm taking now.) The extract described a moment when the author tasted a cup of tea and Madeleine together, and the sudden flow of unknown feelings occurred, which led to a huge confusion and inner turmoil of feelings. He could not identify where the feelings came from or even what they were. Therefore, in order to recapture the feelings and also in an attempt to figure out the source (most likely from a childhood memory, as he asserts), he takes another sip of the tea and a bite of Madeleine. But this time, he doesn't feel the same ecstatic sensation as the first time. Then he tries again, but the feelings reduce immensely. Thus, he stops tasting and falls into a deep thought and search of the origin of the sensation. He wanders through his memories but in the end, he does not find out the answer. So he considers about not 'searching' for it, and believes that he himself might have 'created' it at the moment. He first is certain that the answer is within himself, but later wonders if the answer is himself. The ending of the extract was ambiguous, leading the readers to draw out multiple conclusions.

What I am trying to say is that I know exactly how he felt at the moment the tea and the Madeleine went through his throat. I have experienced something similar: one day, after waking up and washing my face, brushing my teeth, I opened up the bathroom window and breathed in the air, with my eyes closed. Then I felt something. Something very familiar, something from the past. But I couldn't place what it was, and where and when I had experienced it. I just knew, not my brain but my body and skin knew it. I did the same thing again, closing my eyes and breathing in. But then the unknown nostalgia disappeared. The stimulating sensation of the past that awoke me on an early school day, was gone. Just gone. I couldn't recapture it anymore. I became very frustrated, looking for an answer. But eventually, I gave up, without succeeding. Now that I think back, I am thankful for just feeling what I felt. I don't really care what it was now, I just loved the feeling. Knowing but not knowing. I have felt it several times in my whole life, and expect to feel it again afterwards. Now that I know that I'm not the only one, I can be more prepared for it when the moment comes.