Coming back from a trip

With all the things that were bothering me, I needed a change of scenery. I wanted to see something different. So I went on a trip to see a friend. I wasn't away for a long time but I think it really helped me. We talked most of the time. From sunrise till sunset. With a glass of beer or wine. I think I needed someone to talk to. Not about everyday things- but about life. I wanted to really get the things in my mind out there in a form of words. I didn't have to snack all the time because I had other things to keep me busy. It was like I found a peace that I had lost. Her apartment was so quiet sometimes I could hear my own breath. It gave me time and space to think. I walked around the city on a rainy day. The pebble stone road led me to small alleys that revealed tiny vintage shops. I just walked along, choosing the direction as I went. Whenever I felt like I was a little lost, I didn't have to look at my phone to know where I was since I had the big Cathedral as my compass. While walking, I thought about the things I had and what I could do to make my life better. I was a bit scared to come back home and go back to the daily routines. I didn't want to leave. 'But then I cannot always run away, can I?' I thought. It was only a little pause. I had a place to go back to. 

I am back home now. I still don't know if things will get better. The difference is that I am willing to give it a try and change it. 

xx

Liz

Lonley

These days, I don't feel like doing anything. I am not interested in anything really. It's as if I've lost all purpose in life. Yes, we've moved to another city because it was completely necessary. I thought I could find things to do here too, that I could meet people and make friends. I didn't think it would be this bad. Everyday is the same, I wake up, have breakfast, brush my teeth and do the dishes. I read a little, watch a movie, work on my script then it's time to eat again. Then again back to whatever I was doing. He comes back home and we dine then play some card games or watch TV series and sleep. The next day is the same. I don't really feel like getting up in the morning - what's the point of being an early bird if there is nothing new or exciting to do? I try to stay in bed more so that I don't have to kill more time later in the day. I don't have any friends here and the only person I talk to the whole day is my boyfriend. I feel like I will forget how to talk one day if I continue like this. I tried to find jobs. I went to turn in my CV at some shop - didn't hear from them. I tried to meet people. I went to some English lunch club here - they even seemed interested in working with me but then I haven't heard from them for 2 weeks now. I was full of hope when we decided to move. I thought, a new city, a new start. But no matter how much aversion I felt to Paris Métro, no matter how rude people were there, I find myself missing Paris. At first I didn't want to admit it, that I missed Paris. But now I don't really have any choices left. I still had some friends in Paris. I could still go see them when I wanted. I still talked to people other than my boyfriend there. But then again, I know the problem is not where I live. The problem is me. I have felt this way before too. I always blamed the place I lived in. It is not easy to change how you are and try to do better. I guess it's easier to say that it's not my fault. I do like writing. I do enjoy it. I think that is the only time in my day that I don't feel the time passing. But I cannot write the whole day. I don't know how other writers do it. I wish I could have a close friend here. Someone I can hang out with and share thoughts with. I feel really lonely. 

xx

Liz

설날

배 터지게 먹었다. 남은 반찬도 싸가지고 왔다. 이런게 친정에간다는 느낌일까? 
벌써 프랑스에서 보내는 4번째 설날이다. 쌀은 떨어졌고 한인 슈퍼는 너무 멀어서 올 설은 그냥 아무 계획없이 지내려고 했는데 이런 왠걸? 파리에서 사는 친한 한국인 오빠가 우릴 초대했다. 이런 서프라이즈가 반갑다. 나는 항상 계획을 짜고 그 계획에 맞추어서 행동하는걸 좋아하는데 가끔은 이런 깜짝 선물이 있어야 더 재미 있는 것 같다. 실컷 얻어 먹고도 눈치없이 반찬통 두개도 받아 가지고 왔다. 그래도 타국에서 느끼는 한국의 맛이 너무 좋다. 그사람에게도 이런 맛을 전해 줄 수가 있어서, 이런 문화를 전해 줄 수 있어서 너무 좋다.
화투를 쳤다. 정말 가족 처럼, 팀을 짜서 맞고 다섯 판. 한국인인 우리가 졌다. 초보자의 운이라고 생각하면서 마음을 달랬다. 아님 프랑스 애들이 화투에 특별히 뛰어나거나. 나중에 이상한 것만 가르쳐 줬다고 한국에 계신 어른들이 뭐라 할 것 같다. 그래도 뭐 그다지 상관은 없다. 


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I checked the weather forecast for this week. Except for Thursday there will be rain everyday. But then again, it's weather forecast- they are wrong most of the time. I should cut them some slack though, knowing that predicting the capricious Picardie weather is not that easy. As soon as I finished typing the last sentence, the gray clouds that were pouring down rain vanished and the blue background filled the sky. Only the surprised rain drops on the window are the reminder of the whimsical clouds. 


xx

Liz

Enfin!

C'est fini. Depuis le début de la semaine, j'ai travaillé sur le cadeau d'anniversaire de mon beau-père. L'idée était de récupérer 60 vidéos de ses amis, famille, collègues et anciens élèves lui souhaitant bon anniversaire pour son 60 ans. Après des soirées d'appels on a pu collecter ces vidéos. Ensuite, c'était à moi de les mettre ensemble, d'ajouter des effets spéciaux et bien sûr de dessiner quelques pages d'animation et d'élaborer le design du CD (image ci-dessus - la photo de la mer récupérée sur Google Image). 

Le CD est parti ce matin. J'espère bien qu'il va aimer.


xx

Liz

차(茶)는 기다림이다.

오늘도 어김없이 오후 네시가 지나면 나는 차를 우린다. 마치 그날 오후의 마지막을 장식 하듯이. 

차는 기다림이다.

물을 받아 끓이면서 기다림,

그 날 선택한 차에 맞는 물의 온도까지의 기다림,

물을 붓고 차가 잘 우려 질 때까지의 기다림,

그리고 차를 잔에 담아 놓고 마시기 좋은 따뜻함이 될 때까지의 기다림.

그래서 내가 차를 좋아하나보다. 나는 시간이을 들여서 무엇을 하는 것을 좋아하게 되었다. 워낙 시간이 많아서 그런 걸 수도... 모든 것을 허둥지둥 무언가에 쫓기는 듯 하다보면 놓치는 것들이 너무나도 많다는 걸 이제야 조금 알 것 같다. 아침잠을 너무 좋아하는 나로선 일찍 수업이 있는 날에는 차를 끓일 시간도 없었던 적이 쉴세 없이 많았다. 하지만 가끔, 결심을 먹고 좀더 멋지게 살아보자는 생각이 든 날에는 아침 일찍일어나 물을 끓이고 차를 우려내 마셨다. 따뜻함이 온 몸에 퍼져나가면서 아직 잠에서 깨지 못한 나의 구석구석을 보듬어 주었다. 그 매력에 빠져 나는 어느 순간부터인가 아침잠을 차에게 양보하게 되었다. 이젠 아침 일찍일어나 수업에 갈 필요가 없어져서 아침에 차 한잔의 여유를 마음껏 즐기게 되어 너무 좋달까? 하지만 이 기분도 익숙해지면 감사히 생각하지 않겠지? 라는 생각에 조금 슬퍼진다. 있을 때 잘하라고. 왜 우리는 항상 무언가 없어지면 그 무언가를 그리워하고, 그의 소중함을 그제서야 깨닫는지...

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I was finally reading a book that I have been putting off for couple of months when I came across this quote. It really spoke to me and I repeated it in my mind several times. There are so many things that we don't know that have influenced, influence and will influence our life. We just go on living without noticing all those trivial moments. If we are lucky enough though, there might come a time when we realize that those moments were what shaped our life; what shaped us. I hope I am lucky enough to realize that one day. 

xx

Liz