Lonley

These days, I don't feel like doing anything. I am not interested in anything really. It's as if I've lost all purpose in life. Yes, we've moved to another city because it was completely necessary. I thought I could find things to do here too, that I could meet people and make friends. I didn't think it would be this bad. Everyday is the same, I wake up, have breakfast, brush my teeth and do the dishes. I read a little, watch a movie, work on my script then it's time to eat again. Then again back to whatever I was doing. He comes back home and we dine then play some card games or watch TV series and sleep. The next day is the same. I don't really feel like getting up in the morning - what's the point of being an early bird if there is nothing new or exciting to do? I try to stay in bed more so that I don't have to kill more time later in the day. I don't have any friends here and the only person I talk to the whole day is my boyfriend. I feel like I will forget how to talk one day if I continue like this. I tried to find jobs. I went to turn in my CV at some shop - didn't hear from them. I tried to meet people. I went to some English lunch club here - they even seemed interested in working with me but then I haven't heard from them for 2 weeks now. I was full of hope when we decided to move. I thought, a new city, a new start. But no matter how much aversion I felt to Paris Métro, no matter how rude people were there, I find myself missing Paris. At first I didn't want to admit it, that I missed Paris. But now I don't really have any choices left. I still had some friends in Paris. I could still go see them when I wanted. I still talked to people other than my boyfriend there. But then again, I know the problem is not where I live. The problem is me. I have felt this way before too. I always blamed the place I lived in. It is not easy to change how you are and try to do better. I guess it's easier to say that it's not my fault. I do like writing. I do enjoy it. I think that is the only time in my day that I don't feel the time passing. But I cannot write the whole day. I don't know how other writers do it. I wish I could have a close friend here. Someone I can hang out with and share thoughts with. I feel really lonely. 

xx

Liz